Religion: A Pastor Ponders

Saying, “I Do”

by Pastor William Jenkins

August 6, 2005

A couple of weeks ago I officiated at the wedding of my youngest son to the lady he is committed to for the rest of his life. This is the last of my four children to get married; this son is 29. I advised my children never to be in a hurry to spend the rest of their life with someone. A parent never knows what advice their children will listen to.

Having been married now for 38 years, I have made a few observations about the way things are in matters of matrimony. I have learned that love is more than a feeling. Feelings are fine and one should never get married without that special feeling of being in love.

However, love is more a decision than a feeling. Whenever a couple stands before a minister at the marriage altar, they are not asked how they feel about being there. They are asked about the decision they are making to one another. As they live together they will not always feel good about each other; therefore, the decision will often out-vote the feeling.

Happy marriages happen when you marry the person you love; they flourish and blossom when you love the person you marry.

I have also learned that, like life, marriage isn’t that difficult. Marriages are held together by the little things. Very few marriages are blown apart by some great force. Most marriages fail because of neglect of the little things. Like a large piece of fabric that begins to unravel from the little threads on the edges, marriages do the same.

What are the little things? Well, they are things like simple courtesies, thoughtfulness, appreciation, understanding and kindness. They are the little words like, “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”, “Forgive me”, “I forgive you”, “May I help”, “I love you” (and this said while looking into the eyes, not while running out the door). These are the tight stitches that combine to hold a marriage together.

I have also learned that my marriage isn’t as much about me as it is about the lady I married. This sets me free from the 50/50 trap where one obsesses over whether or not they are getting a fair shake in the marriage.

When it is not about me I can focus more on my wife and in this way I find all my needs met.

The book of I Corinthians, chapter 13, has something to say about this “not about me” kind of love. Read it and ponder.

League City United Methodist Church is located at 1411 Main Street (FM 518), one block east of Interstate 45. For information, call the church offices at 281-332-1557 or visit the website at

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